Bewitched? Lustful Gazes & Their Cure
The realisation that Allah is aware of these nefarious activities creates a sense of shame, regret and guilt within the heart resulting in taubah (repentance). This verse is therefore a wonderful prescription for people suffering from the malady of lustful gazes and thoughts. However, this remedy is only effective when applied practically over a period of time. Constant meditation upon the contents of this aayah, coupled with zikrullah (the remembrance of Allah) and wazaif (daily incantation), will develop the desired level of determination to abstain from this sin. The original and the only cure from all spiritual aliments is determination and willpower. Mere zikr and meditation are not sufficient to eradicate spiritual diseases. Those treading the path of Allah’s pleasure, the Salikeen (devotees) and Muslims at large, should understand well, that the closer a person draws towards satisfying the unlawful desires of his nafs (the carnal-self), the further he draws away from Allah. Hence, this mortal enemy is to be kept under surveillance and control at all times. In short, any object whereby the nafs derives pleasure should be discarded at once. Even a little unlawful pleasure for the nafs is not free from imminent danger and calamity. A little opportunity for an enemy is surely destructive - the nafs is the greatest enemy - greater than the Satan himself. The nafs gains strength and courage from little pleasures and grows stronger and stronger in this way, until it eventually drags the Saalik and Mu’min (believer) into major sins. Aided by the poisonous doses of satanic ideas and whispers, the nafs grows bold and rebellious and overpowers the person, leaving him helpless to resist the temptation of sin and transgression. It is for this reason that one saintly poet warns: "Place no trust upon the deadly carnal-self (nafs) even though it become as obedient as an angel; Always remain suspicious of its motives." The first step is committed. The nafs has won the battle of wills. The eyes are the next to follow in its wake. The second step towards zina (adultery or fornication) is in progress. Do we succumb or do we abstain? This step is the one which sends us down in to the bowels of evil. Do we fall or do we persevere? It is reported in a Hadith Qudsi (a Hadith in which the Holy Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam narrates from Allah), "The (evil) gaze is a poisonous arrow from the arrows of Iblis. He that abstains from it out of my fear, I will grant him in return such Imaan (faith), the sweetness of which he will experience within his heart."
Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said: "To gaze at a strange (ghair mahram) women is zina of the eyes, To listen to passion-stirring words is zina of the ears, To converse with a strange women (and derive pleasure thereof) is zina of the tongue, To touch a strange women is zina of the hands, To walk towards her is zina of the feet, The heart desires and craves; The sexual organ then either testifies to these or denies them."
It is apparent from the Hadith that an accidental gaze is forgiven, but to continue staring thereafter is forbidden. The gaze should immediately be turned in another direction. One way for a person indulged in evil gazing is that he makes a habit of performing a particular deed for a certain amount. No matter how small that deed is, it will still show its effect. For example one should make an oath that every time my eyes fall upon a ghair mahram (one with whom marriage is permitted) with lust I shall say ‘Astaghfirullah’ ten times. Now do not decrease or increase this amount. Just practice it for a few times and see for yourself.
"Tell the believing men and women to lower their gazes and protect their private parts. That is purer for them."
Wherefore then, are we to go? Are we committed irrevocably to following up on the sins of our nafs and eyes? Or is there still hope of redeeming ourselves? The testosterone and adrenaline is pumping away, there is a beautiful woman before us, what do we do? The Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam through his wisdom and the guidance of Allah shows us how to counter-parry the stealthy attack of Satan with these enlightening words: "When any of you happened to look at a beautiful woman that attracted him, he should resort to his wife and fulfill his desire with her, for they both possess the same object of fulfilling his desire."
Only the person that fulfils his desires within the limitations of necessity can attain true contentment. Thus the endowments of a strange women are no different from that of a one’s own wife, to differentiate between the two is but the deception and trickery of Satan."
Also he mentions, falling in love with a handsome lad is much more severe than an illicit love affair with a woman. It is possible that some day he may marry the woman, but when two males are involved, no such possibility exists. When the nafs begins to take a fancy to a certain form of figure, Satan grasps the opportunity and amplifies the beauty of the desired object manifold in the imagination of the fancier. Eventually the evil deed is committed and it is only then the balloon of amplified beauty is burst. Now what seemed to be extreme beauty is nothing but an illusion. Gazing at the object now evokes feelings of contempt and nausea. Hazrat Thanwi rahmatullahi alaihe further states, "When man inclines towards a form, it becomes embedded in his mind and heart. He may thereafter, recite as many ‘La Hawla’ as he desires and blow on his chest, he will not attain salvation from this malady since his reading is bereft of sincerity and a firm resolve to abstain from this evil."
"And come not near unto adultery, verily! It is an obscenity and an evil way."
Human instinct is such that no sooner does a strange man and woman meet in privacy that a sensation of mutual attraction develops from stage to stage, from mere affection to uncontrollable passion and ultimately into the irreversible stage, where it is almost impossible to control the nafs, and finally the shameful deed of zina is perpetrated. Thus Allah has made easy upon us the beautiful pathway to chastity, purity and piety (taqwa), by declaring unlawful all those factors that contribute to the commission of zina. The solution is simple; marriage, a fortress against all evils of the loins. Ibn Haban has narrated from Anas radiyallahu anhu and he has narrated from the Holy Prophet sallallahu alaihe wasallam that: "On a child’s seventh day, his aqiqah will be performed, he will be named and his hair will be removed. Then, when he reaches six years of age, he will be trained in etiquette. When he reaches the age of nine, his bedding will be separated and when he reaches the age of thirteen, he will be struck on missing salaah and saum. When he reaches the age of sixteen, the father should get him married and then should take his hand and say, ‘I have taught you etiquette, I have educated you, I have got you married. I seek refuge with Allah from your calamities in the world and your punishment in the Hereafter."
"Had it not been for the grace and mercy for Allah upon you, none of you would have ever been purified, but Allah purifies whomsoever he desires to."
Hazrat Moulana Rumi rahmatullahi alaihe writes, "O’ Allah! If a thousand chains of carnal desires and satanic deceptions have shackled our feet, we have nothing to fear if your grace is upon us." Hazrat Ukaaf radiyallahu anhu reports that Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, "Karfas was an aabid (devout worshipper) who lived on the seashore and remained engaged in worship (ibadah) for three hundred years; fasting during the day and worshipping during the night. Once he became infatuated with a woman as a result of which he eventually became a kaafir and discarded all his ibaadah. Allah saved him from this misfortune through some of his good deeds and forgave him." Thereafter addressing me (Ukaaf) he said: "O’ Ukaaf! Marry or else you will be at a loss." As a result of not marrying, Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam termed Hazrat Ukaaf as ‘The brother of Satan.’ And then he said, "The greatest weapon of Satan against the pious is women." Thereafter Hazrat Ukaaf married.
Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, "A destitute is he, who has no wife." The Sahaabah radiyallahu anhum enquired, "Even though he may possess much wealth?" He replied in the affirmative. Thereafter he said, "A destitute is she who has no husband." The Sahaabah radiyallahu anhum enquired, "Even though she may possess much wealth?" He replied, "Even though she may possess much wealth."
Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, "Do not marry women solely for their beauty or wealth, because beauty may lead her towards evil (Infidelity) and wealth will cause her to rebel and disobey. Thus make deen the criterion and marry religious (pious) women."
Some questions taken from a book of Moulana Yusuf Ludhyanwi
Question: What is the age, in which contracting marriage becomes an obligation, for a man and women? I have been informed, that when a girl reaches the age of 16 and the boy the age of 25, they should be married.
Answer: According to Islamic law (Shari’ah) there is no fixed age to get married. Parents if they so desire, can give their child in marriage before he/she has even reached the age of puberty. If a child after attaining puberty, strongly feels that he/she will commit sin in the case of him/her not getting married then marriage is wajib (obligatory) for him/her, apart from the above mentioned case, marriage never becomes wajib. However in order to remain safe and immure from the filth of society. It is commendable and highly praised if one gets married.
It is stated in 'Durrul Mukhtar' that if an individual is absolutely certain that if he/she does not get married, he/she will fall into committing sins, then marriage is compulsory. If the feeling of committing sin, is very strong the marriage becomes obligatory (providing he can afford the dowry and expenses) on the other hand, if one feels absolutely certain that he/she will be unjust and cruel if he/she gets married then marriage is absolutely forbidden for him/her. If he/she is not very sure about this feeling then marriage is makrooh-e-tahrimi (highly disliked) and in all normal circumstances marriage is sunnat-e-muakkidah (an emphasised sunnah).
Question: My parents have concluded that education is everything. I am presently very young, but I have elder sisters who are acquiring higher education. In spite of the age of my sisters my parents have not at all turned their attention towards their marriage. Another serious factor is that my parents are also advancing in age. As I mentioned, I am presently young, by the time I grow up my sisters will be well past there prime. And past the stage in which marriage propositions are submitted. Presently marriage proposals are being submitted but my parents somehow manage to delay the inevitable and to late have not accepted anybody’s proposals even though I know for a certain that my sisters are very happy with the proposals. Therefore, the question is that if the parents do not realise their responsibility, is it within the rights of the children to contract the marriage because both parties are Muslims?
Answer: In this day and age, in the pursuit of higher education for their children, parents have become completely unaware of the importance of marriage of their children. The children fritter away the important years of their life in the complexities of university life and when the time has past, parents come to their senses. I have received thousands of letters of this type that a girl’s age has reached 20-35 but no proposals of marriage are given, and if proposals do come they are soon retracted. Could you inform me of any act or sacred note or prescription by which the girl’s marriage may take place? Or, the girl is intelligent, educated and of acceptable appearance but nobody asks for her hand in marriage. Only god knows how many families have drowned in this flood and how many boys and girls have started to tread the immoral path.
What you have written is a reality. It is stated in a tradition, when children reach puberty, and the parents neglect getting them married, (in these circumstances) if a child commits a sin then the parents will be equally responsible for its sin. Concerning the question that if the parents neglect the duty of the marriage of their children, can the children contract their own marriage through a court? As far as the answer is concerned, if both parties are of the same (social) status in every respect, (education, lineage, background, etc.,) then marriage will be in order, otherwise not.
For a boy to get married somewhere does not really pose a problem, but for a girl the story is altogether different, but whatever the situation. If a girl wants to marry a boy it is vital that the boy is compatible with the girl in every respect. This compatibility in the language of jurisprudence is known as Kuff.
Question: I am still a student and studying. I have a problem which is that I want to get married, to save myself from sins and evil of today’s society. Please answer in all the situations listed below:
(i) I have not enough money for mehr (dowry).
(ii) If I borrow the money how much I need then repay the lender.
(iii) My parents pay for the whole cost, i.e. mehr, food, clothes etc.
(iv) The situation became worse, i.e. the desire increases or the situation becomes out of control, meaning sodomy or zina etc.
What is the Shar’i ruling in these situations, please explain in detail from the Qur’aan and Hadith. Please also include a remedy for this condition if marriage does not taken place. Please answer in such a way that the person attains what he wants.
Answer: Concerning marriage, it is stated in the Hanafi jurisprudence book 'Durrul-Mukhtaar': "If a person feels that marriage will save him from committing zina (fornication) then in such a situation marriage becomes obligatory on him, under less astute circumstances, marriage is wajib, and under normal circumstances and conditions, contracting marriage is a stressed sunnah (sunnat-e-muakkadah), and according to various opinions, wajib. However if a a individual feels that he will commit cruelty and inflict injustice to his wife, then entering in to wedlock becomes makrooh-e-tahreemi, if the feeling of inflicting cruelty etc., is replaced by utter certainty then marriage is absolutely forbidden."
Focusing on your current predicament, the most prudent and wise course of action would be that you ask your parents to pay the wedding costs and if they so wish, you can then reimburse them later.
Lustful Gazes & Their Cure
By A Student of Darul Uloom, Bury